Edmonton- With the ongoing federal election swiftly underway, a recent poll conducted by the Edmonton West Star has concluded that the nations children, peoples ages 0-16, would only vote for the PC candidate Stephen Harper if he could demonstrate superior skills in the international video game, Minecraft. This is a startling discovery, as a year …
Calgary- Due to the recent spike in industry layoffs spurned from the downward trend in the resource and commodity markets, the downtown core of Canada’s favorite ‘Arch Villain’ city is now deemed ‘visitable’ by many everyday residents. This marks a drastic change for an area once considered ‘lost’ to many of the city’s hard working, …
Continue reading Layoffs Increase in Downtown Calgary: Area Now Considered ‘Visitable’
Edmonton West Star March 15th 2015 As the finacial world explodes over the news that Alberta has officially ‘done gone broke’ as one economist has aptly stated, researchers at the Edmonton West Star have come to the startling conclusion that the province's reaction is ‘surprisingly varied’ in the types of rage it is feeling. "We …
Moving can be difficult especially when it makes you a no good, cock-sucking sell out. If recently you have had to move from your beloved hometown into enemy headquarters, such as from London to Paris, Los Angeles to San Francisco, or Edmonton to Calgary, you might experience a wide range of negative reactions in regards …
Continue reading How to Move from Edmonton to Calgary as a God-forsaken Traitor
Chip Cofton unpacks his gold-plated pom-poms as he gazes out the window of his new office and lets out a long sigh. Canada's leading cheer leading agent has has left his Toronto loft, downsizing to a furniture-alley storefront in Edmonton. “This industry used to be like shooting fish in a barrel,” Cofton grumbles. “Back in …
Continue reading Cheer leading industry in decline, losing women to ‘real female roles’
Reliable spring fling may be on his's way out The Edmonton West Star 02/05/2013- A neighborhood bird erupted in an alarming, flighty panic this morning over what could have only been deemed a relatively inconsequential issue in local bird affairs. However, witnesses observed a tone of deeper tension between the two individuals, suggesting the possibility of an extra-marital …
Continue reading Neighbourhood bird fed up with spouse’s constant flirting
The Edmonton West Star, January 23rd, 2013- Local cat, Molly, considers next option after graduating high school.Weary of working few hours in retail for low wage, Molly decides to take up grandparents on offer for post secondary education, provided she can earn decent grades. Options included technical training for a career as a dental hygienist, …
The Government of Alberta reveals sweeping new protocols for language and measurement. Edmonton West Star - 16/01/12 Today, the scarcely heard-of and far-reaching omnibus bill F-44 comes into full force. In everything from waste management to soil-sampling, these new wordings and formulas are working towards "re-branding the old wives' tales that are holding us back", …
The Edmonton West Star, 01/10/2013 - The University of Alberta, situated in Edmonton on the lovely banks of the North Saskatchewan River, boldly enters its second century of sucking dreams dry. Locally known as 'just what you do when you're done high school', this academic institution is proud of its reputation as 'the entrepreneur of …
The Edmonton West Star 01/07/2013 Packaging technology from outdated decades make for profitable dividends in contemporary markets. Newly discovered time-bending technologies make it possible for old, outdated and environmentally unfriendly consumer products from the past to once again bounty our store shelves. “The most profitable trend right now is to emulate the indulgences of the …
Continue reading Tassimo introduced to markets ‘through awesome 1980’s timewarp’
The Edmonton Weststar 