How to Move from Edmonton to Calgary as a God-forsaken Traitor

Man wonders if hat was worth losing everything he ever cared about
Man wonders if hat was worth losing everything he ever cared about

Moving can be difficult especially when it makes you a no good, cock-sucking sell out. If recently you have had to move from your beloved hometown into enemy headquarters, such as from London to Paris, Los Angeles to San Francisco, or Edmonton to Calgary, you might experience a wide range of negative reactions in regards your decision from the people you care about the most.

Most of the time, the rational behind why you moved does not make a difference to these people. Be it for work, because of a love interest or just plain desire to not have to pay high prices to get poisoned by air pollution, our loved ones will take this decision as a slap in the face, because after all, it is.

Why should you get to live somewhere different if they have to stay in that shit hole?

Don’t worry, there are plenty of things one can do to make the best of being considered a fallen angel, a no-good, self improvement driven asshole who thinks they are better than everyone else.

First, take your friend’s unwillingness to call or visit not as a symbol of how terrible your relationship with them actually was, but as a way for them to say ‘My town! My town is better! I don’t even have to leave to be happy, can you say that?” or “We never really liked your two-timing ass anyhow.” This is a common way for people to assert authority in hindsight, after all, you were the one that left, traitor.

Second, take the time to realize the a large portion of the new people you meet in Calgary will have had the same reaction from their own loved ones. That secret feeling of horrible self rejection you have developed shortly after landing here, something I call ‘ living in a genuinely well-run city guilt,’ is common to most people who have finally put their needs first. Realize that this selfishness doesn’t make you bad, it just makes you very difficult to be around.

Third of all, keep in mind that a key part of your old friend’s business model for running their city depends on not allowing anybody to leave, ever. You left. That’s not okay. They needed you, even if it was to give you marginal labor rights and ignore your attempts to interact with them on Facebook.

Last and not least, remember, if you really wanted to be around those people anymore, you would have stayed in the first place. Being snobby is okay, as long as you make sure to give back to your new southern homeland through volunteering and community events, even if they never really asked for your help to begin with.

All the best in your endeavors!

Weststar Staff, Feb 13th 2015