Chip Cofton unpacks his gold-plated pom-poms as he gazes out the window of his new office and lets out a long sigh. Canada’s leading cheer leading agent has has left his Toronto loft, downsizing to a furniture-alley storefront in Edmonton.
“This industry used to be like shooting fish in a barrel,” Cofton grumbles. “Back in the glory days, when the Pamela Anderson look was in, every minor league whatever-ball team wanted a couple of blonde bombshells to “gimme-a” anything. But since the recession and all, teams can’t afford it so much.”
Karen Prichurt, Professor of Obsolescence Studies and author of this week’s damning report on the state of cheer leading industry, says its not just budgets that are hurting Cofton’s bottom line. “We’re seeing a real paradigm shift in men’s views of entertainment women and even a growing idea that women can be more than entertainment. The new trend has been to encourage our A-type women – and even our perky natural blondes – to compete in other fields, such as medicine, bureaucracy, education and blue-collar sectors. The result is the talent pool from which cheer leading recruits is becoming overqualified.” Prichurt cautions that this trends shows signs of draining other industries, “non-nudity-sex-doll theme restaurants like Hooters will probably be the next hardest hit.”
Cofton acknowledges that men’s tastes are changing, but criticizes Prichurt for failing to blame women themselves. “It was always hard to compete for talent against the “sexy librarian” industries, but then a while back I was blindsided by this whole twiggy-hipster look. You ever tried to get a girl in glasses to do a triple-axle jump splits? The glasses fall right off. And worse is that the girls with this look are supplementing it with garbage like opinions and sophistication and this whole artsy well-roundedness attitude. It’s just a shame to see so many beautiful young women wasting my potential. You know, it’s just thank god the girls I’m left with haven’t tried any of that union bullshit.”