Editorial: I May Not Be a Big City Lawyer but I Sure Would Like to Be Paid Like One

The 'ghini
Eat your heart out, naysayers

The 2008 recession may seem to be a scary, unmanageable beast of many heads, with a root so deep it will take the 2012 Mayan prophecy to rectify it. However, could this only be fear tactics from on high to keep the common man from indulging in what they so very much deserve? Alberta is a beautiful province, made more livable with every high paying job that is maintained through our glorious industry initiatives. Because of this, all people, be it man, woman, or transient eighteen year old, can achieve wages unheard of in our struggling neighboring provinces. But will these fabulous cowboy times last?

The answer, in this editor’s opinion, is of course: why wouldn’t it? Our province has invested so heavily into this economic plan, we could simply not afford it not to. Heads of state, business minds, newsmen, and trade workers all believe in our good economic future, and by Alberta logic, this is what it takes for our fiscal security. Take Santa Claus for example: children and Christmas movies everywhere learn that in your heart, if you believe Him to be real, He will be, and you will be endowed with the pleasures of the season. Now, to prove my point, consider this: every year, North Americans pray for Santa Claus around this time, and every year, Christmas happens shortly after. Coincidence?

Of course, critics and morons everywhere will tell you that the living standard that we enjoy right now is unsustainable, simply because the sector we have so heavily invested in is a non-renewable resource. But those people are unaware of the actual statistics at play here. For example, five years ago, it was common knowledge that there was at least eighty years of profit extraction to be had around the Fort McMurray area. Now, here we are, five years later, and the common knowledge is that there is still eighty years left. If we were doing something unsustainable, this number would not possess it’s amazing powers of perseverance.

Now, what to do with our fortune? That is the real question that our province faces. 1990’s premier Ralph Klein, or King Ralph as we chose to call him after he gave us those Ralph Bucks, knew what Alberta was thinking: money was made to be spent, and good times were made to be had when you are young and attractive. Other provinces, (one a couple borders east of us, who shall remain nameless), would think this is unwise, prudently considering us reckless and irresponsible. Why is this so negative? Perhaps these regions are only jealous that they haven’t had any real economic sex since the seventies, much like many of our central Canadian parents back home.

The money Alberta has makes us who we are. Without it, our highly profitable waitresses would be smiling and courteous, vapidly making a livelihood that is relatively easy by other industry standards. Where would be hidden resentment? The lovely, spoiled, high school contempt and expectation from their guests? As well, our union workers, blue and white collars alike, would get energetic and creative, coming up with ideas and plans to further their own poorly reasoned initiatives. This would cause havoc and make things very much less delightfully straightforward, day in, day out. Their inefficiency and consistently burning boom-era housing projects, well, they provided entertainment for our struggling writers and artists. Without money, we would just be another relatively uninteresting part of central North America, except so much colder, nobody would care or visit.

This was written as part of the Edmonton West Star’s ‘Editorial’ series