Local woman unsure of intended purpose of shower gel

Contrary to popular belief, not all women naturally know how to use the products offered to them on the store shelf. “Like, what does it do exactly? I really don’t know, it was always just there,” asks one Edmonton woman after her latest shower.

This comes to a surprise to the millions of men worldwide who assume the various pink and teal coloured packages on supermarket shelves have a very definite albeit mysterious purpose, which women instinctively know how to decode. Not so, confesses one bewildered female consumer: “Well I started on the shower gel bandwagon in junior high. I was introduced to it by my mother, and her mother before her. Shower gel was just part of the becoming a woman package, but really, thinking about it now, I really don’t know what it’s supposed to do. Like does it clean? Is it soap? Or is it perfume? Why does it come out in my hands as a liquid in the shower, where it just gets washed down the drain with the water? I’m really confused.”

Critics however, suggest this particular woman was not properly educated on the tried and tested custom of shower gel. According Dr. Eileen Kawalsky, from the Canadian Institute for Esoteric Dermatology, “this points to an epidemic degradation of the feminine persona, one which has seen successive generations finding it increasingly difficult to practice the customs of their foremothers. My colleagues and I often debate where to trace the roots of this tragedy, but it was undoubtedly aggravated by the British Privy Council’s 1929 decision that women are indeed persons under Canadian law.”

Will this ever be considered an interesting article? Only time will tell.