Mr. Businesshearted Movie Review: That One Guy from “Jaws”

Guest Columnist Mr. Businesshearted watches movie “Jaws.” Crowd favorite bewilders and impresses.

It is not very often that a fellow like myself spends time watching the television set rather then studying it for delicious, delicious market survey information. However, that is exactly what happened the other day.

I thought to myself, is this what people always mean when they say they saw something on the tv the other day? They literally just saw it, like right on the screen? How is this possible?

And saw I did!  Steven Speilberg’s “Jaws” it was. And I tell you, it was fabulous.

Now, now, I know what you are thinking. Mr. Businesshearted! What are you doing spending the  306,667 hours left of your life watching a movie  instead of working on a brand strategy or a strategic ten year plan for one of the many, many large corporations you have at your disposal?!!  What are you thinking?!!!

Now, now, I thought of that to. I have accounted for these hours to come back to me at a later date. How you ask? Rollout 2023 how, that’s why.

Anyhow, the movie “Jaws” really is the type of movie that keeps a person thinking. Honestly for the first half of this cinematic, I really just thought the title of this movie was referring to the small child this police officer character kept going on about, but then a shark became involved, and I became intrigued.

First of all, I just want to say, that mayor character? Was spot on. The true Grecian hero of this tragedy. It was as if I could have been in this movie! When he ordered to open those beaches, it was if I was down there, as if Hollywood was saying, “You! Come here, lamb. Bring your policies.” But alas, I have been told that this is not the place for that at this time.

This movie seems to operate on three character devices. The first one: Chief Brody, the police officer, with his tormented water past, his wife of sorts, and his allegiance to this municipality, for reasons I can only wonder.

Second is University kid. Not only that, Sea University kid! Could you imagine?!

Third, but very much not least, there is Quint. Now, here is the real character, the force behind this tale of virtue and truth. God rest his soul, this man of action, this man against the establishment, blown up to smithereens from inside a fish’s belly. Tell me, is this not true of each and every one of us at certain times in our lives?

And I feel! I feel for this Chief Brody. Here he is faced throughout this entire movie with this Sea University kid is just going at him, questions! Questions! About the fishes! About the insides of the fishes! About these what have yous, boats or whatever! He will not let this man go home after a day’s work in peace!

You see, this movie is not just about a giant shark, (which may actually exist at that size as my frantic searches have informed me) this movie is about the conflict between three classes of men aaaaaaannnnndddddddd a giant shark. You see folks, in this film, as in life, it is about seeing just a little bit of something upsetting now and again, but when added up, it forms a giant scary monster.

Now enters Quint, the old timing, blue collar, war surviving fisherman who just doesn’t give two fucks. Now there is a man I can see myself being if my life had been different, and killing prehistoric animals with total disregard was still politically correct. Here is a man who is not afraid to stand up and say, “I will be the one who will be paid well to vanquish this monster! Me!”

When he took his gnarled and probably alcoholic fingernails against that chalk board, he took a stand! He silenced those people into action! Quint had guts! He had gumption! He was not afraid to do what needed to be done with what he had!

See, when he smashed that radio that was the only way back to humanity when all was dire and the universe was telling him, “Go back! There are more boats! There are bigger boats! This shark is so big we will probably be able to see it from from an airplane anyhow, so don’t really worry about it for today,” he said “No! No! This is my shit show now!”

Who could not respect a man like that?

Then there is Chief Brody. He is an interesting man. For some reason I can’t decipher, the other characters seem to leave the screen at times, while he is almost always there. What does this mean? Is his journey a metaphor for the life I would have had if I had been a police office in a small town by the ocean in America? Is this what I am supposed to gather here? Where do all the other characters go? Are they just waiting somewhere behind the scenes or are they actually busy? Where’s the mayor now, did he go back home? What is he doing?  Sea University is still here, though, I guess he’s not busy like the mayor is, big surprise.

Perhaps, but it seems Chief Brody is unsure what aspect of the sea he should be embracing in times of crisis. Should he follow the loud and mighty Quint, the sea faring gentleman? Or should he follow the other loud sea faring gentleman? Which sea faring gentleman is the path to the death of this horrible and man eating seafaring gentleman?!

Even when Sea University is joking about having scars in his heart that are impossible to diagnose like an asshole, still, there is this duality! Ridiculous! Clearly the sinking warship story is a better story, clearly!

But alas, this movie will not make it so easy. Quint may not have had the biggest boat,  but what he did have is a boat at all. Which is more then what this crafty, clever, wiener case, silver spoon sipping,  if not somewhat insubordinate, giant shark had.

But really, I wonder at night, as I am writing this review, is that really enough? Because you see folks, further investigations into this great american story has taught me that Sea University kid actually bangs the cop’s wife in the novel. But this is not what Hollywood have you to see! No, it is lies! Lies! So how can I reconcile myself with the sacrifices portrayed by great men like Quint, when I know it didn’t actually go that way?

How?! How, Hollywood, how?!!

Good movie 5 plus stars

Mr. Businesshearted | The Edmonton Weststar, November 22, 2016