Rocky Mountains declare a state of casual indifference towards nearby Albertan city

Awe- inspiring mountain range to remain pretty far away.

Recent statement from the mountain peaks declare they are to remain somewhat uninterested in the day to day affairs of the general human population.

The Rocky Mountains state that, despite the apparent visibility of them from this tiny and frantically crawling human situation, they are not, in fact, close enough to be considered to be owned by it.

This comes as a surprised to many local residents wanting to participate in various mountain activities throughout the winter season.

Tactically, this insures the Rocky Mountains will be able to refrain from petty local political, economical, sociological or cultural discussions, or any sort of further involvement that may fall outside its mandate of presenting beautiful natural majesty, while reaffirming it’s ability to take the lives of those who taunt their jagged mystery.

Critics call this move unexpectedly isolationist and divisive, while others maintain that this is merely just a reiteration which indicates that the mountains are not obliged to be friendly to all local visitors, mainly through wacky sideways facing weather changes and deceptively complicated trail systems.

However, this poses the question to the nearby municipality of Calgary whether or not they can claim partnership with the highly successful and world renowned natural attraction. Up until now, these shining peaks had made up a large section of the cities  identity, and without them, it would feel as if they were only just another network of crudely built, sheltering drywall shack-boxes, loosely grasping onto the beaten windswept gravel of the dark and coldly disregarding winter prairie.

However, despite this, the mountain range has concluded that, however special they may be to these barely visible, ant-like creatures, they are, in fact, not obliged to commit to any sort of fellowship with them. They have also added that any attempts at using expensive back country survival gear will be squashed justly and thoroughly, so puny, short-lived  monsters should definitely check their factory warranty statements before proceeding.

Edmonton Weststar, October 17th,2016

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